I read somewhere before that you can be a good mom, do great at work and keep your house/meals/health in top shape, but never ALL of those things at the same time. That was especially true this week..
The last week of the month is always hard at work because we’re scrambling to get visits completed and paperwork in by the end of month deadline.. These past couple of months have been especially hard because of a huge turn over in our department and now a new program director. Which is not all bad, just chaotic, on top of clients dealing with legal issues, suicidal ideation and domestic abuse. I feel like I have been dog paddling to barely stay afloat. Then, when the rest of life happens, it causes more distractions and less actual work happening.. Which was very much the case this week.
Asher got sick while with his dad last weekend. Total stomach bug/GI issues for 3 days. Unfortunately, it “spilled over” into my time w him and I had to stay home from work Tuesday (see the above paragraph) which then caused more missed calls/notes/documentation. But that was (obviously) only half the worry. The other half was that Asher’s illness also brought some BIG emotions with it. All week, big emotions and lots of tears. You remember that fear of going back to school after being sick?? What if I puke again?? What if I have to poop?? I remember it.. and Wednesday was our first “battle” getting him to go back to school. Lots of tears, lots of kicking and lots of hugs. He went, of course. I mean, I wasn’t going to back down.. but talk about a struggle!
And then there’s the “home life”. Haha ahhh yes, I went grocery shopping and had all these meals planned out for this week… before he got a stomach bug and ate only crackers/toast for 3 days.. luckily no food went bad, but my diet was 90% sandwiches this week at least I ate, right? Oh, and wine. And chips… and some of his left over parade candy… I did do laundry! Oh and I ran the dishwasher.. so I’ll have to consider that a win for now.
Thursday, not at the office, at a training… which was VERY insightful, but poor timing in how busy things have been…
And then there’s today. The day that everything crashes together. The day that I realize how unbalanced life really is sometimes.. Asher had an “All School Meeting” this morning where once a month they invite parents in for a presentation, and of course this first one Asher’s class did a poem. I was dreading missing more work, but am sooo glad I went. Watching his face light up when he saw me in the audience, the many times he turned around to wave, and seeing all the kiddos do their presentations about team work, their hopes and dreams, made me teary-eyed knowing that he’s in a place that’s fostering this kind of growth. And I realized that sometimes all I need to do is show up. Be there. Be the face in the crowd, the person to wave to, and that’s enough too.
Work was crazy as usual today, but I got to meet with a favorite client of mine (I know you’re not supposed to have them, but we all do!) and she had some very kind and lovely things to say. It made me thankful to be there for her too. Again, just being there, was enough.
And after work, it was back to Asher’s school for a pot luck/game night that I was a little unsure about. But again, I’m so glad we went. It was another chance for me to let Asher step into his own, in his new environment. There were a few hiccups, and some more big emotions, but afterwards, he was soooo happy. He didn’t leave my side the rest of the night. Chatter, chatter, chatter about the day. And as tired and annoyed as I felt, I realized too that these moments are golden. These small little moments are the ones that help rebalance.
I recognize that I don’t need to be everything to everybody and I do not need to spread myself thin by trying to do it all. But I will continue to BE there. BE here for Asher, BE there for my clients/coworkers, BE there for my friends, and BE there in the quiet times for me too. Which is why I decided to write this all out… because I need a reminder that in the chaos, when you cannot give 100%, sometimes just being there is enough.
Be the first to reply