Last week Asher informed me that two boys on the playground were hitting him. That sentence alone has probably activated you to some degree, and I can assure you, my inner Mama Llama sparked right up with this revelation. I thanked him for telling me and expressed how proud I was of him for telling me bad stuff as well as the good stuff. And I was able to keep a pretty calm/neutral affect (on the outside, I think anyways) to ask all the appropriate questions (who, when, why), then discuss with him the importance of finding an adult or teacher when something bad or unsafe happens. He reassured me that he would, if it happened again, and that was the end of the convo for the night, cuz-bedtime.
Now, I fully understand that watching over a horde of kiddos is no easy task, let alone in a playground setting. Yes, teachers/adults are responsible to keep a certain order within the play, but sh*t happens. I get it. However, I’m also gonna back my boy up 100% if anything is going down on the playground (or anywhere else for that matter) and want to nip this right away. So I emailed the teacher saying pretty much that right there. I know Asher is not always an accurate reporter but the story he told could absolutely be true.
On the way to school the next day, I mentioned to Asher again about hitting, rough play and going to the teacher. “Welllll… Mommy??” He says from the back seat, “I kinda did hit them too.”
“Oh, did you?” I’m side eyeing him hard at that point…
“Yeah….” he continues, “but only AFTER they hit me. They hit first!” Ok kiddo, ok. I’m not about violence but it makes more sense in self defense. However, my response to him at that point was, “well, it’s never ok to put hands on our friends, classmates or anyone really, so next time find a teacher instead of hitting back.”
“Ok mommy, I will. Promise”.
After a couple of emails back and forth from his teacher that day, she tells me she spoke with the boys then also alerted those on the playground to keep a close eye. Later I learn that ALL the boys on the playground were playing superheroes and ALL of the boys had to be talked to about putting hands on each other. So yeah, that means Asher too.
When I picked up Asher after school, I asked him how his day was and he told me how he had a great day. Then he happily announced “Mrs L talked to those boys too and told them not to hit me anymore!”
“Oh really? She only talked to those two boys?? I heard from her today too and she said that you ALL had to get talked to about playing too rough and hitting and such…”
“Yeah…” he responded, “I did…”
So again we have a conversation about hitting and rough play and rules at the playground… as well as telling the truth, the WHOLE truth.. and he seemed to get it. I thought.
This week I heard another story from Asher about another situation that was slightly worse than the first story, as this one involved private parts… Again, I was activated and concerned, but again I thanked him for telling me and told him how proud I was of him for telling me the good and bad stuff. This story was again proven to be inaccurate. So here I am, fully immersed in protective role, trying to keep him safe, yet am being told half truths which cloud my understanding. I’m thankful that his teacher is understanding, responsive and supportive of him/us. He is learning the difference between stories, lies, and teasing. But really we’re also learning trust.
You can’t fully trust a 5yo, but you can support them and help them learn what trust and truth are.
We’re working on it.
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