I’ve seen a lot of articles talking about the disparity in the work load of mothers and how single mothers are struggling with loss of outside supports during this pandemic.. but, it’s usually more of discussion of unspoken tasks; vague and assumed. I haven’t seen many articles actually spelling out what a day looks like in the life of a single mom, who is now working from home, balancing home/work/school/etc.
Most people sympathize, but I’m not sure the enormity of the situation can be understood by those not in our shoes. And really, that’s ok. I’m not looking for sympathy. What I’m hoping for is grace, understanding, and maybe even shift in expectation once this cloud of COVID passes. Not just shifting social standards of us, but also more understanding from friends and family. Or maybe more importantly, we also need to adjust what we expect of ourselves.
So here is my addition to the conversation: an example of a day in the life of a single mom, working from home. Let me walk you through.
7:45am- wake up.. hit snooze.. again? Apparently you hit snooze in your sleep.. This is the last time though. 8am is the cut off… You glance at your phone and make sure there is no emergency or other world altering news (one world crisis is enough… you hear me murder hornets??!!) Then you attempt to wake the kiddo. He’s been sleeping in more lately. His sleep has been bad as well; you’ve heard him a few times crying out in the night.. or was that a dream…?
8am- you’re both awake, trying to get out of bed, get cleaned up and get new clothes on. Doesn’t have to match, weather/temperature appropriate is the only requirement these days. You have an hour to get dressed, get everything together, and get on your computer by 9am.
Oh. And the dog too. Get him outside, get the kid breakfast, get the dog breakfast, get yourself breakfast. Thank gawd you made coffee the night before. Try not to spill it.
9am- (if your lucky) start reviewing emails. You already have 4 and a couple of early calls. Kiddo is in the other room watching tv while eating breakfast. Screen time parameters are pretty much gone now. But by 9:30, he’s already asking you what you’re gonna do/have for lunch.
10:30- between work calls, check in w the kiddo. Some days he has classroom Zoom, which pretty much takes an hour from you too, just to help manage the technology. But otherwise he’s been in and out of your work space (kitchen) asking for more food. Morning snack? Sure, why not. You have another Google meet soon, give him a snack and get back to work. Check in with your coworkers who look like they’ve slept the same.
Noon-ish- lunch break! Kiddo’s been waiting “alllll dayyyyy” for this. You have one hour to cram as much activity as you can, answer all the questions needed and make a quick sandwich before back to the almost daily 1pm work meeting. Oh, the dog too, bring him out quick. Hope he doesn’t spend too long sniffing around, give him a treat and back to the computer.
1pm- Kiddo is finishing lunch but you need to log into the meeting. He then has 2 “emergencies” (spills drink, loses fork) and the dog starts barking at the delivery guy. Thankfully you’re on mute.
1:30- kiddo starts school work… well, attempts to start school work. Does one lesson, wants to show you what he’s learned. Second lesson done, wants to show you how many points he’s gotten. Then starts asking when he’s done. It’s not even 2pm..
2-3pm- answer as many kiddo questions as you can between work phone calls. Mostly questions about when school “work” (they’re really just online learning games) can be finished.
3pm- finally cave and let him play other kinds of video games. Anything to keep him quiet
3-5pm- battle with kiddo about the volume of the TV and using his inside voice while playing games. Or just have him play outside and deal with the in and out, random fire questions. Luckily, most clients are understanding of the disruption.
5pm- Done with work! But now kiddo is suddenly too tired to go for a walk or get some exercise. Takes 30mins to get socks/shoes/jacket on to take the doggo for a walk.
5:30-6:30ish- walk/exercise/play games outside. You need it just as much as they do.
6:30-7pm- make dinner while kiddo continues to tell you all about their day even though you were there, in the next room, hearing about it all day…
7-8pm- eat dinner, feed dog and clean up a little.
8-9pm- get the now wired kiddo ready for bed. If your lucky there’s enough time for a bath, but often you’re past the window of tiredness where if you push too late, you just end up with an overly crabby kiddo who won’t settle down.
9-10pm- is your own doing. You lay down with him to help him fall asleep. Some nights it’s annoying and you can’t bare to “waste” your time this way, and other nights you cherish it as a fleeting moment you want to hold on to as long as you can. But more often than not, you pass out for a awhile too. Sometimes waking up after 11… to finish the rest of your responsibilities…
11ish- You still “have to” finish cleaning up from the day. This varies widely depending on your strength and motivation each day. You mostly do the dishes because you can’t handle having them in the sink right next to you all day while you work. You may also straighten up the living room so you feel some sense of control and normalcy.
Or, You hop online to answer emails, FB messages, catch up on social media or try to overnight some things you had forgotten on your last instacart order. If you’re not savoring the quietness, you try to watch a show to escape for a bit. You eat a snack and try to do some “self care” but often feel guilt about not being more creative. You brainstorm different things to do the next day that might make this time feel more special and less isolating… then you debate if you have enough energy to get off of the couch, or just pass out there…
12ish- the dog reminds you it’s time to get off the couch and bring him outside. It’s nice to be outside in the quiet stillness. You go back inside to give the dog one last treat and muster up enough energy to make a coffee for the next morning… You know you’re gonna need it.
If you’re lucky you fall asleep around 1am. If you get too far down the rabbit hole, it’s more like 2am.. then the next thing you know, you hit snooze in your sleep and it’s 7:45 the next morning…
Not all families have the same nighttime routines, morning expectations or responsibilities throughout the day, but I have a feeling we’re more alike than different in many ways. And the biggest commonality I see is exhaustion.
It’s good to step out from behind the veil of isolation and brush off that fear or judgement so that we can support each other better. It really is so tough right now. Harder than I ever would’ve thought. And although mothers are superheroes, it’s ok to show our weaknesses too, because often what we view as weakness can be inspiration to others.
Just for perspective- I wrote most of this after my/our shower tonight while sitting on the toilet, with the kiddo playing on his tablet in the other room. I’m not using the toilet, but it was the best place to sit and write my thoughts for a few minutes.. and now it’s 9:30pm… which is late for his bedtime, and yet I don’t feel guilty about that one bit. If we’re going to be loving and understanding of others, we should extend the same care to ourselves. We are all doing the best we can, one exhausting day after another.
Be the first to reply