Asher is generally very concerned about getting water in his ears/face when in the tub and pools. Yet he loves to play in the water and was thrilled that one of the hotels we stayed at had a water park. However, the first time he went toward the children’s structure/slide he was met with a large splash from the overhead bucket. Others seemed to enjoy it. He did not.
At all.
Tears.
Lots of tears.
And I was afraid for a bit that he would throw the whole waterpark idea out and be done with it. But he didn’t and he wasn’t. He found another area and went about his merry way, but refused to go on that structure or down the kiddy slide.
Asher has not had swimming lessons and me, being the protective (safe) mother that I am, made him wear a life jacket in the bigger pool. But when his other cousins arrived the next day, things changed a bit. They are bigger, “braver” and better swimmers. Asher started following suit. The next thing I know, Asher was asking me if he can go down the water slide.
I was like, of course you can! You can even time it so the bucket won’t dump on you! My brother was standing behind him shaking his head… no… not that slide… He told Asher he had to come ask mom first because he saw his cousin go down the big slide and he wants to try it now too.
I looked at them like what?!? The BIG slide?? The adult slide?? The one you have to climb 2+ flights of stairs to get to?? This little boy??
*Hell no.
But I saw his face, and his cousin holding his hand, talking about the slide and how fun it is. His little life jacket, the determination in his eyes… How do I respond to this?what are the facts? what are the real concerns? what is just MY fear?
I said, “I know it looks like a lot of fun, but you will get splashed in your face on the way down and especially the end. How do you feel about that?”
“Oh that’s ok I wanna go, can I go Mommy??”
“It’s a really steep slide and you’re in a tube. Do you think you will be scared in there?” (I was projecting my fears of him scream-crying the entire way down filling his lungs with water and drowning before he even reached the bottom…)
“Yes mommy! Jason did it! He says it’s fun!”
“Ok, Asher, how bout this, I’ll go with you down the slide with you. Then I can help make sure you’re safe.”
Ok- deal-
We head up and up the stairs to the top where we find the lifeguard sitting right by a sign that says “One at a time! No exceptions.”
My heart drops a little.
I ask the life guard, really? I can’t go down with him?
He says, “no, and no life jackets either, so he’d have to take that off too”. (Luckily there wasn’t a pool at the end, the slide just levels out, but still!)
*HELL NO.
Asher looks up at me with concern.
“You can’t go with me?”
“No buddy, you’d have to go alone.”
Again I’m thinking ok what’s the real concern here, what are just my emotions/reactions? So I knelt down to talk to him face to face.
“Look buddy, the lifeguard is saying that I can’t go with you down the slide and we’d also have to take your life jacket off. This makes ME very scared for you, but I also know that you can be very brave sometimes too. I just don’t know if now’s a time to be brave or a time to say no thanks and we try another time.” *hoping he says no thanks….
He looks around and says, “I’m gonna try mommy. I can do it.” He starts unlatching his life jacket and taking it off.
I freaked out a little(a lot) then decided to let go. I told him to wait until he saw I was at the bottom so I could catch him at the end. I gave him a hug, gave a nod to the lifeguard and ran down the stairs..
I think my heart stopped. I was so scared. I waited. Why did I say ok to this?? What was I thinking?? What if he drowns?? I was standing right between the ends of the 2 slides and every splash I jumped thinking it was him. I got soaked because I was so close and so intent on catching him first thing… I had water dripping in my face and I barely even noticed.. another woman had walked him back down the stairs.
I was soooo relieved that he didn’t go down!! But I could see on his face the look of defeat and shame.
I scooped him right up and gave him a big hug and he buried his head into me. I said “oh Ashey, I’m so very proud of you for being so brave today and wanting to try the slide!”
“But I didn’t try it Mommy! I couldn’t do it, I got scared….”
“And I’m proud of you for that too! You were being very safe and smart to see that you weren’t ready yet. It may be disappointing but I’m still very proud of you for listening to your heart and making a good choice. Maybe next time you’ll be ready!”
That was enough for him.
He went back to playing in the kiddy pool with his cousins and never attempted the slides again.
I am not at all a perfect parent. These stories aren’t to show how great I handled certain situations. The truth is, it could have ended badly. We don’t know. We won’t know. But I did want to share in how DIFFICULT it is to let go of your own fears as a parent in trying to protect you kiddo and still give them some freedom to try new things. But also not shame/guilt them after failed attempts to try to make them fearful of trying again in the future. This was a big new thing. I probably should’ve just said no and dealt with the tantrum. But I’m glad he worked it out this way instead.
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