Who Do You Think You Are?

I ask myself this quite often.

It usually comes after I start having “grandiose thoughts” of things I want to do, goals I want to accomplish.

Why would you win the lottery? You never play… this one ticket isn’t gonna win and change your life. The odds are definitely not in your favor… Who do you think you are??

You want to apply for what job? That’s a bit of a reach… They won’t take you seriously.. Who do you think you are anyway??

Why would you start a blog?? Who would ever read it?? Your life hasn’t’ been THAT interesting… Really… Who do you think you are??

Ugh…

So many years of going through life not feeling worthy of “big” things, not reaching for bigger things, because of this deprecating self talk.. How do you ever get out from underneath it??

The truth is, I don’t know. I can’t always rise above it. I definitely still have my days of struggle.
But what I’m gonna try to do is change my tone.

Instead of asking- Who do you think you ARE?? I started to ask myself- Who do YOU think you are? And this change in tone has made a big difference in the past month.

So- who do I think I am??

I think I am a strong woman who has been through some strange/bad/messy situations and rose above them.
I think I am one to offer sound advice, even if I don’t always follow it myself.
I think I am someone deserving of a break. Someone who still believes in miracles. Someone who will continue to buy a lottery ticket on days I feel lucky.
I think I am a good mom who is trying her hardest to use positive parenting to not create my ideal little boy, but help a young boy grow into the best version of himself.
I think I am someone with a heart so big that I have spent my whole life caring for others and put my own happiness and fulfillment by the wayside…

The thing is, how can I continue to go through life with the firm belief that everyone has divine worth, and are capable of amazing things, when I barely hold myself in the same regard? It is not a big/bad ego, as I had thought before. It is not self-centered to have faith in yourself. It is a gift. It is a freedom that I somehow had mistaken as misguided esteem this whole time while being clouded in my own self-doubt.

But now I’m saying screw it.

I’m taking this coming year as the year of self-acceptance and growth that I was afraid of before.

I’m starting the blog.

I’m buying the lottery tickets when I feel like it.

I’m selling hair care that I believe in.

I have big ideas and I’m worthy of seeing them through.

I’m going to continue to talk to myself as I would to others, as I would to my own son. Because I DESERVE the same care/concern/respect I give to others.

The next time you feel it, the next time you hear yourself asking “Who do you think you are?” I hope that you respond with the love and care that you deserve. We are all worthy and capable of great things.